power, neediness and rank
Last night I went to a lecture given by Dr. Robert Fuller on something he calls “rankism.” Rankism is defined as abuse of the power inherent in rank. His solution to rankism is to promote a dignitarian culture—a system based on dignity for all. His main concern is that the ever-increasing gap between the wealthy and the poor (somebodies and nobodies) and how a sort of institution of dignity could help those in poverty rise above their situation. Examples of this were healthcare for all, free education for all, etc, etc. This change needs to come from the highest ranks, with assistance from movements in the lowest ranks.
I feel that an institutionalized system of dignity is required to end the institution of rankism but today I am thinking about what the individual can do if they want to break out of being a nobody in their small situation. Can you effect change over your own situation, or are you stuck in the institution until change comes from higher up?
The person that is holding rank over you has power. Why? Because you need them. You need your boss to sign your paycheck. If you are a child you need your parents to feed, clothe and house you. In a relationship you may need your partner for emotional support or companionship. I think the way to break out is to learn how not to need them. This is not always possible—a five year old can’t secede from their family, of course. But I think this is possible with both jobs and relationships. And then I think that this shift in your thinking tips some kind of universal power balance and creates a wave of motivation and good energy in your favor.
If you are miserable at work, you might want to examine your finances very carefully. Could you survive a few weeks without a paycheck? Yes? Then you don’t need your boss. Do something about it! Maybe you don’t even want to quit but now you are motivated to speak to your boss about the issues you need resolved. Hey, if you get fired for speaking to him you might even get severance and unemployement, even better. I was “stuck” in a miserable job for years, feeling like I couldn’t get out because I needed that paycheck. Then I realized that somehow I would survive without it for awhile and my mental health and happiness was much more important than being able to have dinner and drinks with friends. I gave myself a “quit-by” date and started earnestly searching for a job. What do you know, within two weeks I found a great position that I’m still happily in. I feel like my shift in thinking helped the universe to line things up in my favor. Crazy? I’m not sure. But it works.
As I posted about previously, I am having difficulties maintaining my sense of self in my relationship. My boyfriend left on a silent retreat for 12 days and I was determined to prove to myself that I could thrive and have a great two weeks without him. And I did. Maybe I don’t need him as much as I thought I did, I told myself. Unfortunately the day he returned, my kitty cat got very sick and my emotions went on a rollercoaster and I fell back to being even needier than before. But this morning I woke up ready to rally and I remembered that I don’t need him. I love him to pieces and he enriches my life in an incredible way and I certainly don’t want to quit, but now I feel much less afraid to ask for what I need and I know that if we can’t make the required changes the world will not end if I am still unhappy and I have to walk away. The feeling is very empowering and somehow I have a sense that this shift in attitude will open up many new avenues for discovering how we can work and grow because I am not afraid of failing anymore.
